Fall

Fall is coming! Fall is coming!!
I love the Fall!
I love watching the leaves change color and begin to fall from the trees.
I love the crisp cool air that blows in.
I love warm sweatshirts and fuzzy blankets to wrap up in.
I love watching the boys play in the leaves.
Of all the times of year. Fall is my favorite, then Spring.
As I was driving my normal drive to work, I have noticed something these last couple of days. There is a difference in the trees as they sway in the Indian summer breeze. Their color!
It is no longer a full, bright green. But a faded green, golden green,yellowy. It is not easy to notice if you are whizzing by. But if you look slowly, breathing deeply. You will see it. It is there. The first signs of Fall.
I also notice that the air in the morning feels different too. Softer than the summer air.
It relaxes me.
It excites me.
It inspires me

ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am on a mission.
That will take me MONTHS to complete.
I am cleaning the house from top to bottom. And throwing things away that I have no more use for!
It has been a new start in our house. Though there are piles everywhere of things that I must go though. But I am on a mission all the same. I am attacking those piles that drive me insane. And before to long I will no longer have them to worry about. They will have been tore apart and taken down.
I am attacking my house. It will not win this time!

AM I?

So there have been a few many questions that have been rumbling through my mind. I am a different person than I was six months ago, I am now a full time employee,a full time wife, a full time mother, a 3/4 time student, a friend, a daughter, and the list goes on and on.
I AM OVERWHELMED!
I have started to feel that I am failing at quite a few of my job titles as of late.
When I get home from work I have spent my day working not very hard, but I seem to be too tired to do anything. But shouldn't it be the other way around. Should I not be as tired as I am to be a better someone?
I know that I am a good Mother, I love my children with my whole being, but am I being a good parent by letting things continue when I need certain things to be different?
WHY DO I HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THINGS TO BE ONE WAY WHEN I NEED AND WANT THEM TO BE DIFFERENT?
Why do I have to have no control over things that truly are in my job description. Is it because I am not as strong as I think I am, or that I choose to not fight hard enough for what I know in my own heart to be right?
It is some major time for some soul searching.
It is time to decide if I am going to start doing what I know to be right in my heart.

It is Sunday morning, the boys are with their Papa and Nana, I am sitting outside laptop in hand and music playing. I have been working on my homework this morning, Trying to make a dent in the unending task ahead of me. The air is cool, and the birds seem to be singing with the music as it plays. I have finally found a place to listen to music with few commercials to interrupt my train of thought. It is so peaceful right now. But the day is fixing to really start and we have baseball. As I sit here I start seeing all the things that need to be done. The messes to clean and the little time I have to do it all. I know these are choices I make, but the more I see of these piles that grow and come alive when I walk into a room, I start to loose my footing, I almost start to have a panic attack, my heart races and I can hardly breathe. This all seems to follow me, everywhere I go.
But I still sit here instead of tackling something. I need a game plan, a plan of attack.
I can no longer retreat for this monster. I have to face it head on.
CHARGE

Stressed to the point of hiccups

Yes, you have read that correctly. I stressed myself out so much yesterday that I had hiccups 5 times before the night was over. I would have to stop what I was doing, stretch, breath and drink something. I started my summer classes yesterday and I was feeling very overwhelmed.
So today the game plan is to read alot, and work alot.
I have tons to do before Sunday. So off I go, I will try to avoid the hiccups.

Surreal moments and new roads

I have had something hit home this last week. Something I do not understand nor have I experienced. I have a feeling that this will not be the last time, but the first time, its humbling. Even to the person that is on on the outside looking in. A dear friend has found a mass on her breast. The steps have been fast, and the out come is still unknown. I will not release the name.
But for a dear friend please PRAY. Lift up my friend with me as she struggles with this. I pray that I can be there for her as she needs me to be. Even if its only to forget for that moment what is going on.
I have had relatives with cancers in the past, when I was a child, my husbands uncle died from cancer 3 years ago. But for some reason, today this hits my heart harder.
I know its not because I loved my family less. It has just hit different.
I will keep posting as I keep thinking of things to say, feeling I have about all this.

School, home, and everything in between

Okay, so I have been struggling these last few weeks with my LAZINESS.

I will be open and honest about all of this, I am lazy.

I hate having to pick up after myself as well as 3 men in the house. I hate picking up smelly socks, and dirty clothes. I hate washing the dishes in the sink that have been sitting there for days.
But If I dont, no one will.
So I have now tried to will myself alittle more to be better about the house work and all. By the way, it totally is not going well. I feel like I am never home and then when I am, who wants to clean. My new goal is working on the house more often and regularly.
School is going well. I have my last final on Wednesday, I think I will do well on it. I am a bit nervous. Then in 2 weeks classes begin again
So, life is moving right along!
Until next time!